Ice and Fire
by madian
Summary: SPOILER! I am a vampire. I am immortal and nearly indestructible. Nearly. I have one natural enemy. Just one. And he’s sitting on my couch, with my only daughter. Just my luck.
1. Chapter 1

"I am sorry, dad...I didn't want to make you mad." Ness said, meaning it.

To be just one year she was amazingly understanding. To say the least.

It was the second time in three days that she had fallen from the tree-house. The unfinished tree house that Jacob had started building for her six-months 'birthday' in our backyard.

To think that at the time it had seemed such a great present.

"It's ok, honey…I'm not mad. But would you please pay attention? You know how daddy freaks out when you get hurt. You aren't unbreakable." I answered, carefully cleaning the still bleeding, small wound on her left knee.

It was not ok and my daughter was far form unbreakable. Strong, yes, but not unbreakable.

"I know…Sorry! Do you forgive me?"

I sighed, shaking my head, and then smiled widely, looking in her eyes.

First, it was impossible not to love her to pieces; secondly it was nearly as impossible to get really angry at her. Third, I had already forgotten what I had to forgive her about…Damn dimples!

"Of course I forgive you, little monkey!" I answered. She threw herself in my arms, forgetting about her knee, which naturally started bleeding again.

"Whoops…" she chuckled, hiding her head on my shoulder.

I sighed. "You are so like your mother!" I shook my head, smiling. Again.

Smiling, shaking my head and sighing were almost automatic gestures whenever I was with my daughter. She amused, amazed and surprised me. Every time.

Nessie was definitely Bella's daughter. Many of her human traits reminded me of my clumsy, adorable, mortal Bella…

Curiously enough, now that Nessie was growing up (fast!), it was getting a bit more difficult to read her mind as well. I could perceive the tune of her thoughts, but not define them. It was like with Charlie, more or less. I guess that the Swans' genes were pretty dominant in her.

"Where has mum gone today?" she asked, moving away slightly, her arms still around my shoulders.

"Hunting with Aunt Alice, Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmet! You know that…She kissed you goodbye this morning, before leaving." I answered, immediately missing Bella more than ever. It always seemed to get worse: anytime she went away, it was physically painful for me to be separated from her.

I resumed my medication, sure that it would not hold for long anyway. Nessie was absolutely unable to stay quiet.

"I think I was still sleeping a bit – she said thoughtfully - And why didn't you go with them? Aren't you thirsty yet?" she asked, delicately caressing the hollows under my eyes, which colour was closer to onyx than topaz.

"A little bit, but I wanted to spend some time with my little girl!" I answered.

I lied.

Sure, I did want to spend time with my daughter, whom I loved more than my own existence, but the truth, the shameful truth was this: "Yes, Ness, I am thirsty, but I did not want to leave you, because the mere thought gives me the creeps and because I'm an over-anxious vampire father!" There!

Still, I couldn't say something like that to my daughter, could I?

"You did not want to leave me alone?" she asked, untroubled, looking curiously at her injured knee.

I always forgot. My daughter really was like my wife in more than just her human clumsiness or silent mind…She was clever. Stunningly so. And she could see through my pretences. I should have seen this coming.

I chuckled. "You know your dad well, don't you?"

She nodded and flashed me one of her killer smiles.

"Jacob says you are a bit too prokettive…"

"Protective, honey." I decided to focus on the linguistic mistake, rather than on Jacob's opinions about my fatherly behaviour. It was pretty unfair and ridiculous, coming from him: he was absurdly apprehensive and possessive, when it came to Ness, which irritated me quite a bit!

I could not deny that this imprinting thing of werewolves had his advantages, too: when Nessie was with Jacob, I was almost 100% sure that my daughter would be safe and taken care of. Almost. But after all, as I had once said, she could have done worse...

The bad thing was that whenever Jacob was with Ness (and I was around too), I felt a pang of fierce jealousy washing through me.

Jacob and jealousy most definitely seemed to be two very interconnected concepts in my existence.

"I think Jacob will be here soon, dad. He promised…I wouldn't be alone!" she said, sounding very hopeful.

I did not like that very much. Oh, what the hell! I did not like that at all.

"I am sure he will, hon. Whenever does he accidentally forget about spending more time here than at his own house?"

"Dad! – she shouted, giving me a very rare reproaching look – I thought you liked Jacob…don't you?"

Difficult question. How to explain her what I felt, when I did not exactly know myself?

"Ah…It's not that, Ness. I do like Jacob, in a way. Most of the times at least… - I added, for truth's sake – It's just that…it's a delicate balance."

"What?" she asked, frowning. We had never openly discussed the natural animosity between werewolves and vampires around the house.

"Well, I can't explain properly. Just be sure about this: I know how much you love Jacob and I respect that…"

Another déjà vu. How many times did I have to go through this 'I-know-you-love-Jacob-and-therefore-I-would-never-hurt-him' thing?

It seemed like ages ago that Bella was crying her eyes out over her best friend and still just a bit more than a year had passed.

"Aunt Rosalie does not like him much…" Ness said. It was a statement, not a question and she was dead on about this. Actually, Rose did not like Jacob at all. Mostly, her thoughts anytime Jacob was in the house revolved around ripping, strangling and punching.

It so happened that at times she was not the only one entertaining these thoughts. Thank Heaven, no-one could read MY mind…

"Your aunt does not like many things, Ness, you know that. But she loves you and would not hurt Jacob either!" I was reasonably sure about this.

"Uhm…I do not understand this thing about vampires and werewolves being enemies…I don't think Jacob is our enemy!" Ness sat down on the tree swing, which Jacob had provided as well.

I frowned in surprise. "Who told you about that?" I asked.

Ah, yes. Naturally.

"Aunt Rose…" was her answer.

I wasn't very happy with my sister right now, but I laughed quietly anyway: it was not very surprising to me that Rose's words had not convinced my daughter. At all.

It was difficult even for me now to believe that we were all supposed to be enemies. What with Seth passing by to visit every other day, with Sam working with Jasper on battle techniques…and Jacob _practically_ living with us…

But nothing could change facts: _we_ _were_ naturally set apart.

However, my daughter was totally fascinated by Jacob and was happy to spend as much time with him as possible. She knew he wasn't family (strictly speaking), she knew he was different and, above all, she knew he loved her to pieces, no matter what. That's why it was just impossible for Ness to see him as an enemy of her family.

Truly, I had to give it to Jacob: he was in earnest. And purely so. He would have gone to any length to protect Nessie and I was sure that she could feel it. He had to look as far from a menace as possible to her.

I quite hated him for not giving me the merest excuse to punch him every now and then…

"Nessie? Ness?" A voice came from inside the house.

Soon enough, the owner of the most annoying voice ever stepped out into our backyard.

Ness kissed my cheek, smiled widely and ran away to literally jump into Jacob's arms.

I had forgotten the most obvious disadvantage of imprinting: whenever Ness and Jacob spent time together, which was very often, my only, adorable, loving daughter stank! Bad…

"Hey! What a welcome! Can I go back and do it again?" Jacob asked, grinning widely.

Well, sometimes he _did_ give me a reason to punch him!

"I wouldn't do that…I might 'jump' on you instead!" I answered, walking to meet him with my hands in my pockets. You could never know…

"Ah! Hiya, Edward. That wouldn't be half as pleasant, I guess…even if I miss a nice wrestling match…"

_Don't tell me!_ I thought.

"What, is Emmet tired of ambushing you anytime he can?" I asked.

I knew perfectly well how much Emmet enjoyed challenging Jacob. Rose was all for it, naturally, but Emmet would not give it a serious go. He loved and valued Nessie's affection too much to even try.

"Hell, no! That's about the only fun I can have around here! Even if he holds out on me…" Jacob said, grinning.

"Don't you have fun with me, Jacob?" Nessie asked, sudden worry troubling her eyes.

Ha…Let's see how he gets out of this one…

"I said 'about', honey!" Flashing, wolfish smile.

Oh, for the love of all that is holy! A mushy werewolf! How worse can this get?

He said 'about'...ugh…

Nessie smiled widely now and Jacob was so pleased with himself, that I felt like throwing up. Their eyes were locked together…O.K.

"Can we go out for an ice-cream, Edward?" the cheekiest werewolf ever asked me, meaning him and Nessie, of course.

He really had no sense of shame.

Nessie turned to look at me so quickly that I almost feared her neck bones would dislocate…She was waiting for my answer with such an excited expectation that all I could say was: "Ok, ok! Out of here, you two! And be careful!".

Actually, I wish I could have said: "No you can't go out for an ice-cream, but you can go to hell right now, dog!"

I looked at my precious daughter being carried away from me by one of my mortal enemies.

I had to punch something!

I felt ridiculous, standing there, watching Nessie being carried around on Jacob's shoulders, both of them blissfully happy. It did not seem to get better or easier with time. Not at all.

I felt completely…completely…Ah, complicated, as usual.

I felt jealous, of course, because my Ness loved another man, (better another male being, for lack of a more appropriate word), as intensely as she loved me. Truly, it was a different kind of love.

I felt worried. Worried like I felt anytime someone I loved was away. At the moment, I felt doubly worried, because my wife was out hunting without me and my daughter was going out for an ice-cream with a werewolf of all people.

I felt annoyed. Annoyed, because I allowed myself to be wound up by something so natural and unstoppable as love. I still saw Jacob just as a werewolf sometimes, which was absurd, after all this time and all the things that had happened. I should have simply seen him as… as part of the family.

Most of the times, however, I felt guilty. Guilty because I knew that I had no real reason to be jealous, or worried or annoyed…I knew, because I could read Jacob's mind. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about how I felt, because it was simply unintentional. And, there was nothing at all I could, or would do about how those two felt for each other either.

What had Alice told me once? 'It's more inevitable than the sun rising in the east.' Yes. 'Inevitable' was the right word…Obviously, you can't fight the sun, can you?

I would know. I am a vampire…


	2. Chapter 2

Hiya! Thanks for reading my story!

Last time I totally forgot to post a disclaimer! Whoops…

Naturally all the characters, the events and the ideas you recognize from the Twilight Saga belong entirely to Stephenie Meyer and to her only…No disrespect meant. She is a genius and I love her stories!

The rest, which is amazingly inferior in quality and originality, is mine!

Please, enjoy and, if you like it, review. It means a lot!

Thanks!

I was getting used to the stink. Really.

I was also getting used to seeing my house packed with young and loud werewolves.

I was even getting used to ignoring the pack's fleeting thoughts about vampires, which I could read in their mind quite clearly. It was as if they were screaming them at me.

What I was not getting completely used to was this imprinting thing.

It still mesmerised me: Jacob had only needed to hear my daughter's heartbeat to know, undoubtedly and inevitably, that Nessie was his only soul mate. One heartbeat!

I wondered if he ever doubted about the outcome of this strange love.

It had been _a bit_ more complicated for me to know that I was meant to love Bella: it had taken me an herculean effort not to kill her…a trip to Alaska, a ridiculous number of various accidents and catastrophes and 80 years of abstinence and patience…

In one sentence: it had NOT taken me a heartbeat. Of course not.

As usually, when Jacob arrived here, he started thinking about 102 ways to entertain my daughter, possibly involving something to eat and some annoying remarks towards me or my other brothers. The tease…

I could not forget that he was still a child after all. Just 18 years old or so. Teasing was his job.

Unfortunately for him, my daughter was now lying on the sofa, stunningly sweet and peacefully asleep. I should have known this wouldn't have dampened his spirit. Like at all.

"Oh!" he murmured as soon as his eyes saw her figure, resting quietly.

"Hi Jake." My voice was a whisper too, but this wasn't a problem for his ears.

He was getting used to some vampire habits as well.

"She looks peaceful." He said, his eyes completely lost and adoring, but pure.

Darn it.

"Yes…she just fell asleep. She played Hide-and-Seek with Emmet this morning. She was exhausted." I explained.

Of course she was exhausted…Emmet cheated. He had kept on changing his hiding place, until Jasper had made him feel so quiet and relaxed that Ness had found him lying down on the floor, with his hands behind his head!

"Oh. I see… – Jacob was disappointed. He hated to think that he was not the only one who entertained Ness – Do you think I can stay a bit, anyway?" he asked.

Poor boy…He was really into deep. I could not bring myself to refuse, so I indicated the armchair closest to the sofa and he sat down.

I sat in the other one, observing the scene. But after a while I knew I could not resist.

I had to ask him. "Can I ask you something Jacob?"

He was annoyingly caressing Nessie's head, now.

Ok, he was caressing her as if she was made of crystal, but still, it annoyed me quite a bit. My daughter sighed in her sleep, content and relaxed.

"As if you need me to answer your questions to know!"

True. I did not need to wait for his answer, but since I needed to make the question in order to let him think about it, it seemed only fair of me to ask permission.

"Fair enough! – I agreed - Still, I am curious…"

"Shoot."

Good, I liked it better when he co-operated.

"Have you ever contemplated the idea that Nessie might not love you back…well, the way you love her?"

And then I felt it. I wondered if this was how Jasper felt anytime someone was in despair.

My question caused Jacob to think about himself, alone, living in the shadows, following Nessie around, unseen, and watching her live her life fully and happily with someone else. I could see him and I could feel what he felt.

Empty.

I knew a little bit about this kind of feeling myself.

"Yes… - he murmured, while his hand lingered on Nessie's left cheek – Yes, I have." His tone was serious and grave now.

"Is that what you would do? Be a ghost and follow her around?" I asked. My curiosity abated and was replaced by some form of pity.

"I don't know. I don't know what I would do. – He shook his head and resumed caressing Nessie. – At first, maybe, I would not be able to just disappear, but in the end I guess I would let her live her life. I could still be her friend. As long as she is happy, I'll be fine…" he trailed off, but I could finish the sentence for him, without needing to read his mind.

"But empty."

He looked at me, pain clearly written in his dark eyes.

"But empty." he echoed.

"Now you see, Jacob. You see how it would have been for me, if Bella had chosen you…with a few differences, of course."

"Such as?" he asked, frowning.

"Well, I am sure Nessie will never want you to disappear from her life. No matter in which role, I am sure you'll be part of it. And I am sure you could handle the situation…you'd cope with whatever her feelings for you were and cope with it graciously. I would never have been able to do that. I would not have been strong enough to see Bella with someone else, but you would…You are a tough guy, Jacob, and I have always given you that."

I was being very, very serious and no lies were involved.

"Yeah – he sighed, never looking away from our jewel – yeah, maybe…" he wasn't so sure though.

"I am sorry I brought this up…" I had suddenly realised that maybe it had not been such a smart move. I did not want to cause him pain. I was curious…That was certainly one of my main weaknesses and sometimes it could bring trouble.

"It's ok…You are her father after all. It's just natural to want to know. Can I ask you one in return?" he frowned.

Oh, that. Not a very comfortable question.

He spoke it out loud, out of habit.

"Are you and Bella still disappointed at this imprinting thing?"

Not a very comfortable question by all means.

It brought back some memories. Painful memories.

Thank God Jacob could not read my mind.

******** ********* *********

7 Months earlier…

It could not be over. I would not allow it.

The world could stop spinning, the sun could stop burning and the water could stop flowing for all I cared.

All this I would have allowed willingly, in exchange for her heart to start beating again.

"Please, Bella! Don't leave me now – I whispered – Don't leave us now."

I was so absorbed that I did not notice my father entering the room and rushing to my side.

"I won't give up, Bella. Do you hear me?! - I screamed in agony and fury, now - Don't you dare give up on me!"

I felt a strong grip onto my arm, but I ignored it, still completely focused on the heart in my hands…

"Edward! Edward!" Carlisle's voice called my name, but I could not, would not let her heart go. My Bella was going to die…I had no time for anything else. My reason of existing was dying and Carlisle wanted my attention now! Fat chance!

"Edward, Edward! Please, stop! The heart is fine! Blood is running again…We need to stitch the cut or it will all be in vain. Edward! She'll be fine!" his hands grabbed mine strongly now and I froze for a second. His voice was determined.

He was not lying, of course, I knew it, but I listened to his usually quiet mind screaming at me to be sure.

'She'll be fine…' I thought myself. 'She has to be fine…' I had to believe Carlisle's words.

"Leave it to me, Edward. I'll do it. You are in shock! Go! You did everything you could! Go to your daughter now…"

…

My daughter…I was a father. It had been so easy in these last minutes to completely forget about it, to stop all other feelings and emotions and concentrate only on my dying wife. And still, I was a father and there was nothing more I could do for Bella now. Not in the state of shock I was in.

I left the grip on Bella's heart and looked at my own hands, covered in blood. Her blood. I couldn't help surprising at how easy it was to ignore the thirst, the heat: I had never been less thirsty or tempted in my long existence.

"Bella…" I whispered, absent-mindedly.

"You did well, Edward. - Carlisle soothed me, rolling up his sleeves - Now you should really go see your daughter. She's with Rose, but there seems to be some troubles with Jacob."

Jacob?

Why was he still here? I had been so focused on not letting my wife die, that I had not noticed his wolfish heart was still audible from downstairs.

I should have thanked him sooner or later. Again. Today, as many times before, Jacob's presence had been so important that I couldn't even think of what would have happened if things had gone differently. He and I had been united again. United for something that was important for the two of us. Not equally, no, but still, vital.

A slight moan coming from Bella swept these thoughts right away, but Carlisle shook me carefully. "Go, Edward…" he said.

I reluctantly went out the room and closed the door behind me, breathing raggedly, as if I needed air.

Jasper, Alice and Emmet were standing by the wall of the corridor, their expression worried and in pain.

Emmet was the first one to react, running to me for news.

"How is she?" he asked, truly worried and only barely registering the fact that I was covered in human blood.

"I…I don't know, yet. Carlisle says she'll be fine, but I don't know…" I shook my head and covered my face with my hands. My bloody hands.

I wished I could cry…

"Hey, hey, brother! Carlisle is always right! Bella will be fine in no time! She is tough…" Emmet said, trying to comfort me, worry still visible on his usually untroubled face.

None of my brothers was even fractionally tempted by Bella's fresh blood now, the same way I wasn't.

"Yes, Edward…She is in the best of hands. You know that…" Jasper's influence calmed me, but only just: there was no way I could find peace and calm until my wife was better again.

"I have seen her, Edward, in the future. She will come back to us! Don't worry!" Alice hugged me, her words more comforting than anything else. "Now I can see her more clearly. She'll be perfect! You'll see!"

I looked up, feeling a deep rush of affection for my three brothers. "Thank you…" I murmured.

Alice smiled, ran to the stairs and started naming all the battles of the Civil War in alphabetical order in her head.

No, not again! What was she trying to hide now? I knew that she had not lied about Bella. I had seen the image of my healthy, immortal wife in her head.

I looked at her disappearing, wondering what was going on, but my brothers caught my attention again.

"Hey, we are family, right! You are a grumpy bugger, but we love you anyway! We hate seeing you like this! And Bella, too…" Emmet was strangely comforting today.

Suspicious.

"What about her? – I asked abruptly – What about Renesmee?"

BAM!

Emmet's mind, so secretive and comforting only one minute before, slipped.

It was just a second, but that was all it took for me to read what my brother was thinking and find out what had just happened downstairs. I had missed quite a bit!!

NO WAY!

… … … … … … …

I WOULD KILL HIM!

… … … … … … …

PAINFULLY AND SLOWLY!

… … … … … … …

I WOULD SHOW HIM WHAT PAIN MEANT. I WOULD BE A REAL VAMPIRE!


	3. Chapter 3

Hiya! Here I am again…

As usual: nothing you do recognise from the Twilight Saga belongs to me. All goes to Stephenie Meyer!

Please R&R!!

Enjoy and thanks for reading!!

"I am going to kill him with my bare hands!!!" I roared, suddenly feeling Emmet's arms restraining me with brute strength. My body shook with anger.

"Let me go! I just have to strangle him! Like NOW!"

Jasper's arms joined Emmet's in blocking me forcefully.

For one fleeting instant, I forgot that I was supposed to be civilised, that I was no beast, that I had been fighting against instincts for 80 years, that I did not want to be a monster.

For one fleeting moment, it was that wretched and still blessed Biology lesson all over again.

The killer was back. But it did not crave for blood this time, no, it craved for revenge. It craved for murder. It craved for the head of that idiotic, moron of a wolf!

"Edward! Edward, please, calm down." Jasper voice reached my ears, not my brain, but his special powers were already starting to work on my whole body. I stopped shaking at least.

"Please, bro – Emmet pleaded – Try to reason! You'll have plenty of time to break his face and I am going to help! But not now, not now that Bella is about to go through the transformation. We don't need this too. Not now. Please!"

I couldn't help thinking that this was not my brother Emmet, even in this moment of fury!

"For Bella, Edward." Jasper repeated.

Bella's name did the job much better than Emmet's arms and Jasper's powers.

I calmed down, only just, but enough to not rip off anybody's head.

Yet.

"Ok…ok…I got a grip. Let me go! - Emmet looked about to protest, but I insisted – I got it, let me go! I need to talk to him. Alone!"

"No way!" Jasper murmured.

"I can handle it. I have handled worse than this. Believe me." I wasn't entirely sure of my own words, but I had to convince my two brothers that I was not going to explode, didn't I?

Emmet released me, followed by Jasper, who eyed me suspiciously. I felt him wonder whether I was lying to myself and them or not.

"I am fine!" I assured him. Was I really?

I slowly went down to the living room. My face was set and my mind was storming.

"Everybody out…" I whispered, barely able to contain my fury. I did not dare look over at the sofa, where I knew my baby was, held by Rose and flanked by…by…ugh…

My whole family looked at me. Alice shook her head.

"Edward…you won't." She said.

"Won't I? I wouldn't be so sure…" I answered.

'There! He snapped!' Emmet thought, coming to stand behind me, closely followed by Jasper, who was monitoring all my moves.

'Edward, dear, what…Is it Bella? I've heard Carlisle say she would be alright…" She was really worried. Dear Esme.

"I want everyone outside for a minute - I repeated, as calmly as I could – Except for you, dog!" I spitted the words out, raising my eyes onto him.

Jacob flinched ever so slightly, but kept his place. Maybe I had not totally lost my edge…

Good!

Jacob knew exactly what was coming. He wished now as he had never wished before that I could not read his own mind.

Too late. His mind would not be elaborating for long. I would see to that.

And still, he did not try to hide anything from me! Stupid, naïf, idiotic moron!

I moved towards the sofa and Rosalie, who was holding my stunning baby in her arms, and delicately took her into mine. She looked at me with her chocolate brown eyes and for just a second my resolution to kill Jacob abated. It was like looking in my wife's chocolate depths.

My family exited the room quietly, with worried expressions and alarmed thoughts.

"How is Bella?" Jacob asked, never taking his eyes away from Renesmee.

Maybe I could find out a more painful way of killing him! How is Bella?!?!? As if he really cared now!

"None of your business now, right, dog?" I walked towards him, without trying to look calm anymore. I was going to look the furious father as thoroughly as I could!

"Hey, hey, hey!" Jacob backed off for what had to be the first time in front of me. I quite liked that.

Renesmee moaned quietly in my lap. I liked that as well…

"You get out of my house and of our lives now, mongrel, or I swear to all that is holy that I'm going to kill you slowly and painfully! I am not going to follow you or hunt you. Understood? You are free to go. Now leave and never show your face again." I spoke through gritted teeth.

"Hey! You can't be serious! You know I can't! It's not my fault…" he tried to justify himself. He showed me how he was feeling, or tried to at least.

And of course I was Jacob now, not Edward anymore.

I was ready to give up everything I had, to abandon my family and school to protect this precious, the most important thing in the world, as if this could ever be enough.

The big oaf!

" Stop it! Stop it! I don't care! I don't give a damn about your wolfish traditions and claims and about whose fault it is. This is never going to happen! Ever!"

Renesmee looked at me with questioning eyes. Too clever to be only hours old.

"She is my life now!" he insisted, taking a step towards me!

Dangerous move, boy! Very dangerous…

"Like hell she is! She is my daughter, our daughter, and I am never going to allow this!" I cried in fury.

"For God's sake, Edward! Look in my head as you usually do…Look what happened, look how I feel!"

And then I was bombarded by emotions again, by images of my daughter smiling at him (umph…) and biting him as well (good!), by feelings…I felt like a set of wires was being tied to me and all these wires led straight to Renesmee. There was no doubt in my mind that she was my present and future and that nothing might ever separate me from her.

Damn! Damn him and his pure soul! Damn the day he ever met Bella!

"You see, Edward? You see how it is? Do you think even for a second that I could mean any harm? Do you honestly believe now, that I would not die for her, the way you would die for Bella. Edward, please."

I was breathing fast and I closed my eyes, trying to calm down. Uselessly.

It was then that I felt two small, warm hands touch my face. I opened my eyes in shock only to meet two brown, deep, annoyed seas staring back at me. My baby was not only touching my face, she was also showing me her thoughts, which I had thoroughly ignored so far, due to the rage I was trying to fight against.

What I saw was enough to accomplish what Emmet's arms, Jasper's powers and Jacob's words had not.

In my daughter's mind Jacob was already family. Not even a sign of doubt in her mind.

Renesmee removed her warm hands from my face and smiled an unbearably sweet smile. I felt my whole body warm up and shake.

And those eyes, smouldering and intoxicating, could not be contradicted.

I could not, would not hurt Jacob.

Yet.

I stopped trembling and felt Renesmee relax in my arms as well. She then turned her face towards Jacob and smiled at him. I saw that smile through Jacob's dazzled eyes. I could swear Renesmee was looking smug.

Unbelievable. Fascinating.

This was going to take some time getting used to.

I saw Renesmee's arms stretch towards Jacob and felt my protective instinct immediately kick in. I hesitated. After all the times Jacob had proved himself and me to be trustworthy, good and strong-willed, I was still doubting.

He did not force me. He was simply looking at me, his face serious and tense at the same time. He could tell that it all depended on my choice. Giving Renesmee to him, meant my surrender to his wolfish claims. Refusing to, meant I was being stubborn on things! That's how he read the whole situation.

Very clever.

All true.

Renesmee was putting up some struggle, though. That's what finally convinced me.

Fine, so all was against me! Perfect. Three hours old and she was already plotting against her father. I could only imagine how her pubescence was going to go!


	4. Chapter 4

************************

Present

"Are you and Bella still disappointed at this imprinting thing?"

How to answer this frankly and without saying things I might somehow want to take back one day?

"No… - I hesitated, unsure of where I wanted to go - I would not say disappointed, no. It's just that it's… – difficult, maddening, strange, unpredictable? Let's stick to the easy concept… – it's complicated! I know you are a good guy, Jacob, believe me I do, but I don't know why every once in a while Emily's face comes to my mind and I can't help being a bit worried! And that's as honest as I can be."

I could tell I was hurting him, but he had to see. I wanted him to know that my reservation about this relationship had nothing to do with him personally or with me being a vampire.

Only with the fact that it could be admittedly dangerous for my daughter.

I could hear Jacob's ragged breath. He closed his eyes and pictured a disfigured face with two chocolate brown eyes.

"Ah!" I groaned. It was too easy to see whom that face belonged to, even so scarred.

"Can you really believe I don't think about it? Honestly, Edward! The mere thought hunts and tortures me every second I am with her, even if I try to crush it! Why do you think I forbid the other werewolves to come even close to the house, when Nessie is around or when there's trouble around, uh?"

I did not answer, I did not need to.

"You have to know what I mean, Edward! You know how it is…being afraid, terrified even, of hurting the one you love more than anything else in the world! Being sick of what you are!"

Jacob's eyes were searching mine for an obvious answer.

Of course I knew. Of course.

One year and a half of pure bliss, of pure torture. Always on the verge of letting go, always cautious to the extreme.

Ness sighed quite heavily in her sleep. Jacob's eyes left mine and focused on their own personal sun. My baby's lips formed a sweet smile and I melted. The same happened to Jacob, naturally.

It was as if his mind, which just seconds sooner was a dark, deep, mysterious lake, would become nothing but light at the mere sight of my beautiful baby.

I saw him grabbing Nessie's hand delicately and lay it on his face. He closed his eyes, sighed contentedly and, together, we watched her dream.

She was recalling a moment some days earlier when she had gone out with Jacob and a storm had caught them unaware.

Jacob had given her his sweater and taken her in his arms, protecting her form the offending drops. They had run back home, laughing like mad.

In this dream there was happiness and a deep affection. The tone of it, notwithstanding the teasing rain, was simply a tone of joy and contentedness, but also of possessiveness, somehow.

And then she dreamt of me.

I perceived some different vibes this time. A deep, deep sense of dependence, of limitless love and of worry, to an extent.

At first it was all confused and blurry, as it always happened with dreams, but then I saw my face. Not a relaxed and happy face, but the face of a burning man, the face of someone who is suffering.

It took me a few seconds to understand why my daughter was seeing me this way, but then I realised that she was dreaming of the past.

Of our past.

I heard my voice in her dream: I was humming her a lullaby. Bella's lullaby, actually. Renesmee was just hours old.

While my wife was in pain and agony, holding my baby close to me and singing to her had seemed the only way for me not to lose my mind completely. Having her in my arms and lulling her to sleep was like having Bella back with me.

I could remember those moments quite clearly, of course. The worry, the pain and the complete feeling of being lost and useless. I hated not being able to do anything, while Bella was fighting. It was my place to fight for her, not hers to fight because of me.

"You see, Renesmee, this is your mum…" I had told her. I remembered her worries at the time: she feared that her mum wasn't going to be able to talk to her or hold her the way I did.

"She will be fine, Renee. She will come back to us, you'll see. And she'll be perfect!" I had told her, more to reassure myself than her, before taking the lullaby from where I had stopped.

Then she had placed her hands on my face, but not to show me her mind, no.

To caress me. To cuddle me. My hours-old baby was actually comforting me…and then a tight knot had closed my throat and the lullaby had broken down again.

I had hold her closer for half an hour, without a word, only taking what little comfort I could from her being there.

…

Nessie's dream stopped and she started twitching a little on the sofa.

Jacob let her hands go and Nessie opened her big brown eyes. I could never stop wondering at how much her eyes reminded me of my precious wife.

"Oh, Jake! Dad! You are here! Why didn't you wake me up?" she then said, stretching. She hesitated a bit, as if trying to decide what to do, then she held out both her arms and hugged the two of us at the same time.

Aside from the stink, I had to admit the moment was quite sweet. Cheesy, more like.

Unbelievably enough, it seemed to me that Renesmee was really the means which could somehow unite Jacob and myself. With Bella it had been exactly the opposite, too much bitterness there…But now, who knew, maybe this would be the time to stop this absurd enmity between werewolves and vampires forever.

"Hiya, honey! You were sleeping so quietly that we did not want to disturb you!" Jacob said, almost reading my mind.

She then smacked her hand on her forehead.

"Oh, no! I promised Aunt Alice I would choose my outfit for mum's birthday, so that she could give me suggestions! I forgot! Oh, I hate choosing clothes!"

She then sprinted up the stairs, leaving us alone like that.

I shook my head, smiling.

"I bet Aunt Alice isn't very happy that she got her fashion sense from her mum…" Jacob said, grinning.

"Nope…not happy at all! Alice actually got to us all instead! You would not believe the things she had us wear in the seventies…" I shuddered. Those had not been funny years! Bell-bottoms and psychedelic t-shirts…ugh!

I have to admit, Jasper looked quite good in them…well, better not to remind him though.


End file.
